The Big-Bride Blahs

I haven't written much in the past two weeks, and I can't exactly put my finger on why.  I have been feeling a bit discouraged.  My training is going pretty well, and I look forward to the next two races which will take place on 3/7 and 3/13, both 5ks. What is driving me insane right now is my seeming inability to stick to my nutrition plan.  I did so well at it for so long, but lately it feels impossible, and I don't know why.

I use the Calorie King online food diary to log what I eat most days, and when I use it, I stick to it, and (get this) I actually lose weight.  However, on the days when I forget to use it or just don't seem to get around to it, I end up going way over my calories.  This past couple of weeks, that has happened more often than not.  All of the training makes me feel so starving, even though I'm not, and the end result is that I overeat.  Add to that, for some strange reason, I always end up eating a bunch of crap whenever I'm alone for a few days.  Mike has been traveling this week, and so that was the story of Tuesday and Wednesday.

Today, I snapped out of it, though.  I logged everything, and am sitting here right now substantially under my calorie target for the day, even after dinner.  I feel SO much better, and not even really hungry, but I still wish that I could get long-term control over it again.  What made me able to stick to it last time, but this time, even with my wedding coming up, I feel like I keep sabotaging myself?  Either way, I highly recommend Calorieking.com if you are looking for a great online tool to help keep you with your diet and exercise program.  It is way better than Weight Watchers and about half the price, less even if you pay by the year instead of the month.  I paid $49 for the entire year, and WW is about $16 a month.

My wedding dress came in last week, and I took my best friend with me to try it on on Friday evening.  It is about a half an inch tight on my hips and butt, and of course slightly loose on my non-existent chest.  Such is the story of my life. My whole family is built just like that, and sometimes it can be so annoying. Needless to say, that is reason number 512 that I need to get in gear.  Can't have a last-minute wedding chub emergency now, can we?

I feel like such a downer right now, but honestly, the closer my wedding gets, the sadder I feel that my mom won't be there. Don't get me wrong, I am so excited to marry Mike and throw our big party.  It's just that my mom was so great at all of this stuff and so creative, and she knew me so well.  She would be sitting there right next to me making fun of all the bridezillas with their china patterns and $5000 dresses and calligraphers while we worked on all the fun DIY stuff.  My bridesmaids have been awesome, but, even at 33,  I just really need my mom right now.  And it is pissing me right off, to be completely blunt.  However, I need to quit being a baby and focus on what I'm trying to do right now.  The best way to honor her is to kick butt on all of my goals.

For next week, I am still working towards my 30 minute 5k. I will have two chances to hit that for my next two races, and I am pushing really hard for it right now.

Please check back for my memorial donation page for Food Bank of the Rockies this week, and also, please go to the official Pound for Pound Colorado blog.  They are featuring my story this week, so check it out and leave comments.  I was kind of nervous to see it up there in front of a bunch of strangers, so friends visiting would be awesome!  You can get there from here.  Have a great rest of the week.  More this weekend!