Born to Run and Other Random Babbling

I am probably the last one out in fitness blog-land to read Born to Run by Christopher MacDougall.  I finished it this week, and all I can say is wow.  First of all, it was very well-written, and the story and research and science were all super interesting.  Like many others who have read it, I was instantly tempted to run out and try my hand (feet) by barefoot running all over the neighborhood.  I haven't yet, but the author's plight really spoke to me. He is tall and a bigger guy, not built like most of the sinewy, ropy runners you usually see at marathon distance and above.  I obviously relate to that.  He was also struggling with Plantar Fasciitis over and over again, in addition to other recurring injuries.  After getting back into running this week following Bronchitis From Hell month, my heel has been nagging at me a bit.  It isn't as bad as it was, but it is there, and I feel it regularly after running, and it makes me nervous.  I would give anything to run without the fear that every mile could be be the one that stops me in my tracks again. 


While I would love to try barefoot running, and look forward to incorporating short bouts of it into my training each week, I think that six weeks into a marathon training plan is the wrong time to completely change things up, especially after I have been held back by bronchitis am already behind.  What I will try to work on is my stride.  I learned a lot from the book and from watching additional videos of Scott Jurek talking about form, and I realized how much can be accomplished, simply by changing your gait and stride and form.  Tonight I run five miles, and I have a ten-mile race on Saturday, and both runs should give me good chances to work on a mid-foot strike, smaller strides and keeping my body aligned above my legs. So many new mechanics to learn, but I really want to improve. 


I gained almost a pound at weigh-in this week.  I knew that was going to happen and was really surprised that it wasn't more. Official number was 212.8.  Annoying, but that is what I earned.  I ate poorly and, between being sick and feeling a bit sorry for myself, did not move enough.  What does feel good is that, for the first time in over a year, I really feel back in control of my nutrition.  Part of that inspiration came from Born to Run, too, but part of it was just finding my old mojo. I worked SO hard to lose 40 pounds a couple years ago and was so dedicated to counting each calorie and working out five days a week. Then I plateaued and quit seeing results and decided to focus more on running and being an athlete than on the actual weight loss part of it. The problem is, and this is not the first time I have babbled on about this, that it's really hard to be good at running or cycling or swimming when you are still carrying 25 extra pounds around with you. You don't lose weight by exercising.  You lose weight by following the proper nutrition plan. I am well aware of this mantra, but I have been eating too much and splurging because I frequently felt that I owed myself certain treats after running long distances. Very suddenly, and I'm not entirely sure where this came from, I feel that old control again.  I feel like I am the boss of what I eat and not the other way around, when just last week I felt completely owned by a breakfast burrito.  I have been reaching, scratching, begging, struggling for that feeling and just found it again. Now, I am going to make sure that it sticks around.


I use CalorieKing.com to track my nutrition and exercise and maintain a 1600-calorie daily intake.  Calorie King encourages you to eat back your exercise calories, but sometimes, like say, after running ten miles and earning an extra 1000 calories or so, that just seems like too much.  I try to keep it in the mid-range and eat back about half of my exercise calories.  when I religiously record my calories, I lose weight.  Every. Damn. Time.  So why, you might ask, have I gotten away from this practice? *shrug*blink blink*blank stare* I'm back to it now, though, and looking forward to seeing results.


I think working out with a trainer once a week is a little too expensive, however, I do see the value of learning new workouts and tricks and in being accountable to someone.  I have made three appointments with my personal trainer.  One is tomorrow where I will weigh in before working out.  I then do not meet with him until the last week in March.  At that point, I will weigh in with him again. That will be the week before my annual Girls' Ski Trip, and my goal this year is to drop enough that I don't feel too embarrassed to get into the hot tub with all of my muscular, athletic girlfriends.  I have been organizing this trip for 15 of my closest friends for six years, and I have never once shed down to my bathing suit and hopped in with everyone. I always just listen to everyone out there laughing and sharing cocktails in the steam and wish that I didn't feel so bad about myself, even in front of girls!  Girls who care about me as a person and not what I look like.  This year is the last official year of the trip, and so help me, I want in the tub!


My third scheduled appointment with the trainer is for the last week in July.  At that point, I want to be at my goal-weight or size.  We are headed to our year-late honeymoon in Thailand in early August, and then, after a week in bathing suits and sundresses, meeting a friend to travel to Cambodia and Nepal.  I want to be lithe and slim, as much to look good in the summer clothes as to be able to stay on the move, backpack on back, for two straight weeks. 


Anyway, I really babbled today! Hopefully you just scanned this for anything important and didn't read it all word for word, wasting several hours of your life that you will never get back.  I feel better, though, and that is what is what I'm after.  So:
Me- 1
Poor Reader of my Blog- 0

Carry on.

Take a Deep Breath

As much as I’m trying to be positive and keep moving forward, I have to admit, I am in a bit of a rut lately. After getting my first marathon cancelled due to injury, I followed the prescribed medical protocol and then registered for another race and began training again and feeling great. And then I got hit with a month-long (so far!) bout with bronchitis and some other little virus on top of it. I should have known I’d be sick for at least as long as all the people at my work who have had it. People around here have been suffering for eight and ten weeks; one lady has had it since the week after Thanksgiving! Here I am on week six, and although I have been able to do a few two- and three-mile runs, I have been weak and sick and short of breath, and am now officially behind in training and feeling somewhat discouraged. Actually, really discouraged.



Normally, my blog would be my first stop when I’m discouraged, but I am kinda sick of hearing myself bitch, and so I haven't been writing much. I’m not a victim or a martyr, but there is part of me that is thinking, “What the hell?!?! Can’t I get a damn break?!” I feel like every other post is about me having to put off training to heal from something! And I hate feeling like that. With me, what always comes along with the feelings of helplessness and being discouraged is a nice bout of emotional eating. I have been eating like crap lately; I skipped my healthy work breakfast this morning and instead had the second breakfast burrito of the week. They have been bringing in breakfast for our team frequently because we are working long hours troubleshooting our new website, and then the launch was delayed and the excutives are trying to show their support, so they keep bringing in crappy food to apparently ease the stress (it means more stress for me!). So this morning, I headed to the kitchen to make my whole wheat English muffin, and opened the fridge and see a row of ten breakfast burritos left over from yesterday. So I grabbed one and warmed it up and ate it for breakfast, feeling guilty with every single bite. This is so not ok! I have been eating poorly and not moving enough, and my pants feel tight and I feel bad about myself. And I just want to run!


My doctor told me this is the worst year of bronchitis she has seen in her 15 years as a physician. As a consolation prize for being a victim of the Great Bronchitis Epidemic of Oh-eleven, she gave me a rescue inhaler, more antibiotics and some nighttime cough syrup (which seems to do nothing but give me a hangover the next day) and told me to wait a couple more weeks before running anything more than a couple of miles. But guess what? I should be running five miles today and ten this Saturday and I have a ten-mile race next Saturday that I feel horribly unprepared for. And I feel like a giant FAILURE. And I feel fat and ugly and lazy. I am sick of obstacles! I want something to run smoothly. Namely, me.

Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch. I suppose that is my rant for today. I don’t want to be a downer, but am just suffering in the throes of frustration. I WILL do this marathon no matter what. I don’t care if I have to go straight to the hospital afterwards; this is happening. However, I am asking the gods of running to grant me a little favor. Let this get a tiny bit easier, ok? I can handle obstacles, and I will keep trying to overcome them, but just give me a month or two where everything is peachy and I can get back on track? Ok? Ok. I won’t let you down.


Attempting five slow miles this evening with rescue inhaler in hand. Then dinner with a friend, where I will order wisely and drink water instead of wine. I can do this.

Lightning Fast Post, Then Back to Work!

I have ten more days of total and utter craziness at work.  Then I can get back to normal, and most importantly back to keeping up with everyone's blogs, including my own.  I did add the Daily Mile widget to the blog today and am excited to start using it to track my training to 26.2!  As you can see, I haven't used that site in awhile.  The last thing I posted is from almost a year ago.  I like that site, not sure why I ever quit using it.  Never fear!  I'm back.  However, skipping today's 4-mile run due to painful, dry, hacking, annoying cough.  Will do a make-up tomorrow in addition to the scheduled weights and cross-training.

I wonder if Calorie King has a widget.

Made a new promise to myself.  In addition to the rewards that come along with it naturally, I wanted to add some incentive to getting below 200 pounds.  It is only 12.6 pounds away, but it seems so far and I have been STRUGGLING with my nutrition plan.  (why is it so hard for me?!?!)  So, I have decided that the day that scale reaches 199, I am ordering myself a pair of Hudson Jeans.  Ironically, Hudson Jeans cost right around $199.  What?! It's a sign.  It's the circle of life.  At least that is what I'm telling my husband.  Let the self-bribery begin!

Stylish Blogger, That's Me!!

Moi???

So, Julie at You Just Have to Tri awarded me with the Stylish Blogger award, and I am so excited!  I think the rules say that the Stylish Blogger must share seven items about herself and then pass it on to a couple other bloggers that she deems worthy! I wish I could pass it right back to Julie, because I love reading her blog so much, but it just doesn't work that way, however, you should check out her blog.  She does tons of races and trains really hard and is basically one of the nicest people I have "met" in blogland.  For her SB award, she shared seven outfits from her past, and they were great.  The 80's get people all the time.  I don't have a bunch of old photos uploaded, so I will try to share seven interesting things about myself.

1. My husband is an engineer-math-genius-type and I am a writer.  We ALWAYS come at things from completely different perspectives.  Because of that, we are constantly debating on everything from how to organize the tupperware drawer to how we will raise children.  It can be frustrating sometimes, but it is actually really refreshing to live with someone who complements me so well.  We are constantly helping each other out with stuff and work together from a really great happy medium most of the time.  It only took us six years to figure it out!

2. I get the hiccups almost every day.  I get them when I take too big of a bite of something, or when I laugh (I try to do the latter every day, and the former a little less) My sister even gave a toast at my wedding saying that because of my propensity to get the hiccups when I laugh, she wished us a "lifetime of hiccups"  It was very sweet.

3. Most people think I am an extrovert, but I am actually really shy.  I talk so much when I'm nervous that I feel like I come off as a bit obnoxious and annoying.  And then I get so embarrassed for being obnoxious and annoying that I get more nervous and start babbling even more.  I seriously wonder how I have any friends sometimes. Given the choice, I would pick staying in with a book over going out almost every chance I get.

4. Speaking of friends, my best friend, Katy is one of the most important people in my life.  She is amazing, and also, she gets me in spite of number 3.

5. We have two dogs, Blue and Bex.  Blue is named after his one blue eye and is my baby, and Bex is more-recently adopted and her name is short for Bechler, which is the name of the wilderness area where Mike and I backpacked in Yellowstone. When she does something bad, I yell "Bechler Wilderness Area Volle-Schaarschmidt!"  She just bats her eyelashes and continues being adorable.

6. I used to smoke.  After three years without, I can't even stand to be around it.  I also wake up every single day so happy that I feel this good.  I had forgotten for so long that it was possible to breathe in and out and feel like a million bucks.  I also never thought I would be able run a mile because of it.  Who's got the last laugh now?  I wish I could travel around to high schools and walk up to groups of kids outside smoking and explain to them that quitting will be so hard later, and they will probably gain weight when they do it.  And that most grownups whom they might want to date or marry later in life think it's disgusting.  And that, one day, even though it sounds stupid now, they might want to run as far as they can make themselves run, just to see, and that smoking will hinder this.  These are the things I want to say to those kids, who would surely look at me and think, what a crazy old lady.

7. I have been working as a writer and editor for almost ten years, but started blogging only after I lost my mom.  It was a way to dump some stories that I didn't want to forget on paper and a way to share without really putting it out there.  I ended up making a lot of friends with other writers and bloggers and also discovered the weight-loss and racing communities that exist.  It has been a great way to share this journey I am on and such a big part in healing.   Also, just because I am an editor by day, don't judge my blog for grammar and commas.  I seem to go crazy when I'm blogging and decided a while ago to try to let it be.  I do enough correcting at work. :)

That's it.  That is my Stylish Blogger Seven.  Now I would like to pass on the award to some of my faves:

Kristina at Ditch the Tiara, who is my friend and an amazing inspiration.  (48 marathons and 4 Ironmans and counting!)

Christi at Pedestrian Runner who is a great support and who is a pro at keeping to her workouts.  She makes me want to try harder!

And to Maggie at Team Ladybug.  Team Ladybug consists of Maggie and her aunt, a breast cancer survivor and their journey to the next breast cancer 3-Day.  Maggie a great writer and a really cool friend!

I highly suggest visiting all of these super stylish blogs!  Thanks, Julie!

Race Review! Frosty's Frozen Five Mile

I look so serious.

LOVED this course!  I have done a couple other races from the Winter Distance Series in previous years when it was at Chatfield, and the change to Hudson Gardens was perfect. In addition, the weather was great at about 45 degrees and sunny, and all of the snow and ice had melted from the course.

There were over 500 finishers for the five-mile race and around 300 for the 10-mile. 

The morning started a little slow for me.  I woke up feeling a little under the weather, like a bad cold might be setting in (which, of course, it has today).  But I made my coffee, put on my running clothes, ate my peanut butter English muffin and hit the road.  As I was driving down there, I started panicking, thinking maybe I was wrong about the 9:15 start time I had in my head.  I peeked at my Blackberry (at a red light!) and realized I was wrong.  It started at 9.  I started hurrying, and then started giving into the negativity.  I wasn't feeling that well, I was now running late, and it was cold outside, plus, I had promised a friend that I would come to his Body Step teaching debut later that day, so I knew I had another workout yet to come.  Etc, etc, etc.  I seriously almost had myself talked out of going.  By the time I got there and was directed where to park, I was feeling kind of lame and ready to go back home.  The parking guy said, "Just drive past that loop, flip a u-turn, and then come back and park right here next to me"  I seriously almost kept driving.  As in, no u-turn, no parking right next to him, I just wanted to go back home and nurse my cold.  But I did make the u-turn, and I did park, and I did run the race.  And I loved every minute of it! 

I walked about half  to three-quarters of a mile out of the 5.  I was feeling kind of breathy, probably from being stuffed up and having a seriously sore throat.  I finished in 1:06.  Not a good time for me, but with walking some and not feeling so hot, I'll take it. 

The good things:
The weather, the course, and running PAIN FREE, thanks to the awesome girl who works at Runner's Roost in Lone Tree.  She sat with me for almost 45 minutes letting me try on every kind of insert they have until I found the right ones.  And those inserts rock! Also, the Winter Distance Series is super organized, but not huge.  They really have a good thing going with these races.

The bad things:
Really, I can't think of anything that was bad, except for my initial bad attitude and my sore throat.

Can't wait to do The Snowman Stampede 10 miler in February!  Next year, I want to do all three races.

And by the way, after doing this race, the Body Step class kicked my butt later.  But still, so glad I went to both.  Isn't it funny how when you are dreading working out, you always feel bad and regret throwing in the towel and skipping, but you NEVER end up regretting forcing yourself to do it?  I almost skipped this race, but by the time I was standing at the starting line waiting for the gun, I was in it and so glad I was there.  I love running!

Because I am doing Run for the Bling of It, I am supposed to show my race bling. There wasn't a medal for this race, but we got a cool long-sleeved t-shirt with this logo:
I wore it with pride to Body Step and sweated all over it.

Crazy Week!!

So this is the first of three posts.  First, an update, followed by a race review, followed by my acceptance speech for Stylish Blogger Award from Julie at You Just Have to Tri (thank ya, thankyaverymuch).

I have been slacking on blogging this week, but not on anything else, so that is good.  I am in the middle of the busiest time I have ever experienced at work.  The website I am editing launches on January 29, so my whole team has been working late during the week and a lot of weekend hours, too.  I don't mind it; I love my job and am excited for the site to launch.  It does make keeping up on everything a little more difficult, though. We are also in the middle of remodeling our basement, a project that grew some legs and has taken three weeks more than we anticitpated.  It is looking great, and we are almost done, but living in a construction zone stresses me out. We aren't total clean-freaks or anything (having two big hairy dogs kind of prevents that) however, I have a hard time thinking straight when my house is a mess.   

Somehow, though, I managed to get all my workouts in this week, plus an extra one. In the past, I easily would have let the craziness take over and just skipped working out . 

I got new running shoe inserts at Runner's Roost, along with a world famous Strassburg Sock. Both are saving me from pain, which is AWESOME!! While the pain management is good, the wearing of the actual Strassburg sock is not. The first time I put it on as I was getting ready for bed went something like this:

Me: *sitting on edge of bed in pajamas, mumbling to self, attaching apparatus to leg*
Mike: *walking into the room, then smirking*  Oh, that is super sexy.
Me: *defensive* I know it isn't pretty, but it is going to make me feel better!
Mike: This is the same person who can't sleep in socks and has to have both feet sticking out from under the covers so that they can *Nixon air quotes* "breathe."  I give it until 2 in the morning.

We both spent parts of the next 20 minutes lying in the dark, alternately laughing at the ridiculous sock.  The thing looks like it might be standard issue when you check into a nursing home.  So hideous.  Needless to say, somewhere around  11, the velcro around my calf started driving me crazy, and i squirmed out of it.  Mike won that round, but I have since started wearing it while I am sitting at my computer working or just hanging out.  I am getting more and more used to it and will eventually be able to sleep an entire night with it on.  It actually makes my foot feel really good, but the velcro and tight sock around my calf is so annoying.  I will get there, though. 

Weigh in was Saturday.  212.5 down just over a pound.  It is good to be down, but I really miss the days of losing a pound or two a week.  This is going to be slow-going, so I just have to keep at my nutrition plan and keep chipping away.  I will get below 200 before marathon this time. 

I think that is all the updating needed!  Race review and Stylish Blogger write-up coming later today!

And All is Right with the World

Just registered for the Denver Winter Distance Series, well the last two races of the series, anyway.  Got the Frosty's Frozen Five miler in January and the Snowman Stampede 10 miler in February. Both coincide with finishing out my mandatory rest time and then starting slowly with a new marathon training program. Should work out just fine.  I found a loophole in the closed registration for the Colorado Marathon.  If you pay a $250 charity registration fee, then you can run it and all of your money goes to non-profit race sponsors.  Seriously pondering this option.  It's steep, but is also a tiny amount compared to what I was going to spend to go to FL. I'm going to sleep on it.

Either way, nothing beats the feeling of having races on the calendar. One more week!!

Also, check this out: I'm participating in the Run for the Bling of It Challenge for 2011.  It's a very cool way to unite the running blogger community and celebrate everyone's wins by showing off race bling.  Don't have to ask me twice; I love me some race bling!!  Here is the link:

Run for the Bling of It

The Marathon That Stole Christmas

My weigh in was up two pounds.

I had a sudden and super-painful onset of Plantar Fasciitis at mile 11 of our 18 mile run on Sunday.  I couldn't finish because of the pain.  I was feeling and running so well, and had to stop. 

Missed two runs this week because of the same issues. ( foot is feeling a bit better today, so that is good)

Have a ten miler on Saturday that I'm still planning on, but feeling tentative about. (Do I do the 18 miler instead, if I can, even knowing that 20 is next week?  Or do I stick to the schedule and write the 18 miler off? Anyone?)

If I am tentative about a ten-miler, you can imagine my feelings about the looming 26.2. 

Feeling blah and Scroogey and pissed at myself for eating way too much during the holiday ridiculousness. I need to be leaner for this race.  Dragging 200 pounds of me that far is going to suck.

I am working crazy hours this week as I get closer to a huge January deadline at work.

The holidays have me in a funk this year for some reason.  It makes me miss my mom and her crazy Christmas schemes and traditions. And that laugh of hers.  Dammit.


Please put me on pause for a couple more days to get ahold of myself. 
I will be back and will be strong.  I am just having an off week. 

Run a Mile in Mine

I’ve had to make a very important decision in the past few weeks. I have eliminated something very near and dear to my heart from my everyday life, and I just haven’t been the same since then. I may never be the same. I’m still having trouble talking about it, but here goes:



Goodbye, sassy heels and sleek pumps. I bid you adieu until after January. For the next month, plus all the necessary post-marathon healing days, I will only be wearing sensible shoes.


I finally had to use some common sense when it came to the way my knees were feeling. And my toes, for that matter. My poor feet and knees take a beating during my runs every week, and I was extending that beating by putting on my 3-inch black patent Calvin Kleins or 3.5-inch brown suede Donna Karans or various other beautiful and special shoes everyday with no regard for how much additional damage I was doing. The realization came when I was walking into my office and happened to glance at myself in the shiny window pane as I was going by. I realized I was hobbling into work each day in my fabulous, stylish shoes. Kinda takes away some of the fab and style when I look ridiculous limping around in them, wouldn’t you say?.


There really is no need for me to wear heels to work. I’m not trying to find a husband at the office, a’la Mad Men. (because we all know men are mysteriously drawn by the lure of high heels) I already have a husband, and while he appreciates tolerates my love for shoes, he typically prefers for me to ditch the heels in favor of something that gives him back his height advantage. In addition, I don’t work in some trendy New York style office. I write and edit a large company’s website. I am the only writer on a team of techies and coders. I could probably wear a muumuu and a paper bag on my head, and no one would notice. In addition, our CEO is frequently seen wearing Bill Cosby sweaters and fleece vests. So I think I’m good going a little more casual.


Strangely, the saddest thing about the whole situation isn’t giving up my favorite shoes. It’s that it is making me feel kind of old. Like there is some magical youthfulness attached to wearing high heels. Who knows? For some reason, even though I'm being as stylishly sensible as I know how trotting around in Danskos everyday, I sometimes feel like I’m wearing these:

I am leaving my days as a fashion icon behind and embracing my new runner identity.  It's the only sensible thing to do.

The Day I Beat Adam Goucher

*sorry about the formatting issues. I can't get the spacing to work right today!

I went to high school with Adam Goucher. Back then, he was an all-star on the Doherty High School cross country team, although, more recently you might know him from the Olympics or Runner’s World Magazine. Or from the fact the he and his wife, Kara, make up the power couple of the running world. Recently, Ben from Bendoeslife.com has started doing some work with them and has posted a couple times about Adam and Kara. Every time I see them, I think about a day during my junior year of high school.


The coolest teacher at Doherty was (and still is from what I understand) Mr. Steve Gigliotti. My friends and I used to call him “Steve” behind his back, pretending that we were on a grown-up first name basis with him and that he returned even an ounce of our misguided high-school affections. Mr. G. taught Anatomy and Physiology, and he made it fun and interesting and piqued everyone’s interest in the human body. He wore Levi’s and Nikes and cracked jokes with us as if we were his friends instead of a bunch of kids. By the end of the year, I was pretty sure I was going to head to medical school at some point. (until, of course, I realized that I am horrible at math and was meant to work with words instead of blood and guts. A win-win epiphany for everyone involved.)


Mr. G. had us participate in many experiments, testing our bodies and seeing the effects on our physiology. For most of us, it was our first understanding about what caffeine, sugar, lack of sleep, and other bad habits most teenagers maintain as a part of their daily routines could be doing to us.

This day in particular, he was doing a lung function test. He divided us up by height which, to my chagrin, put me in a group with several lanky boys who also clocked in around 6 feet tall. We were to blow as hard as we could into a tube, and Mr. Gigliotti would measure our efforts with some sort of new-fangled medical device and we would all be in awe of the force of our breath.


We each took our turns blowing into the machine, and Adam Goucher and I handily out-breathed everyone in the class. What I wasn’t counting on, though, and apparently neither was he, was that my lung function was reading higher on the chart than Adam’s. I thought it was kind of funny, little old me having higher lung function that a state champion runner, but he didn’t. Already fiercely competitive at 17 years old, he asked that we be re-measured. I beat him again. Then he asked that our heights be re-measured asking, “Are you sure she isn’t taller than me?”


That ticked me right off, as any extra attention to my height always did.


Mr. Gigliotti measured our heights again in front of everyone and revealed that we were both exactly six feet tall. Even-Steven.


While it was really no big deal to me either way, and I actually hadn’t even considered it a contest, just a demonstration of the differences in various human bodies, Adam wanted to win. But he had lost, and he wasn’t used to it and didn’t want to settle for it. Plus, he’d lost to a girl. A semi-unathletic girl. While he was the standout on the cross country team, I was decidedly unrecognizable as a 5th lane on the swim team and the girl who occasionally got caught smoking on campus with my more rowdy friends. Later that year, I would drop off the team altogether in favor of being a full-time rebel. Not exactly superior lung function material. And certainly not someone who should be beating Adam Goucher. As Adam was asking to give it a third try, I was wondering, what’s the big deal?


I have spent the last four years trying to lose weight and become a runner, and it has occurred to me that I never really had a competitive streak before. I am the middle child, and very often settled for being average while one sister was the straight-A student body president and the other did some serious rebelling, more than enough from both sides to keep me out of the spotlight. I never felt a drive to win or improve or push for a new level until recently. I just wanted to blend in. My “what’s the big deal?” attitude earned me less physically in my first 30 years than I’ve achieved in the past four years spent trying to eliminate it from my life. It’s ok to make a big deal. Even as world’s slowest runner, it is ok to make a big deal out of trying and wanting to improve and one day maybe win something that involves my athletic ability instead of what I put on paper (an age group, an Athena group, a swimming race…something!) I’m beyond simply wanting to finish. I want to compete!


It has occurred to me that people like Adam Goucher might be born with that competitive ferocity, or at least develop it very early in life. And that drive, that will to win as much as possible even when it isn’t a real competition, is a force behind the success he and others like him have achieved. I have a girlfriend with a similar outlook. I think she has been a driven competitor her entire life, from kiddie track days to being a college soccer star, and it most certainly serves her well in her corporate job today. She has achieved a lot because of her will to win (although goof off during Girls’ Poker Night at your own risk). The people who aren’t born with it have to go find it if they want it. I want it. It might seem strange to want a completely new trait to your personality, but I really do.


So as I attack my last weeks of marathon training, I am going to try to channel my inner-Adam Goucher. Although we didn’t really know each other in school, I have that one memory of his drive to win, the drive that propelled him into the record books and the Olympics and Runner’s World Magazine. While I would love to be able to go back to high school and learn that lesson in real time, get my drive and spirit and will to win at age 17 instead of 34, I’m going to have to settle for the little-by-little approach I’ve been working on and try to borrow just a little bit of that Goucher spirit until I can come fully into my own.


And just in case, to Adam Goucher: My whole family has giant lungs. We’ve all had doctors mention it after chest x-rays or surgeries. It’s completely genetic. So don’t worry; it’s not you, it’s me.

Some Talk Before The Action

I have been working on and promising a post, which is coming I swear! However, I have been kind of stewing over some stuff since the half marathon on Saturday and need to vent. (I have also been crazy busy at work, but who isn't?) First a quick race review:

This race was a small (300-400 runners) race in Pueblo, Colorado on an awesome course. It was part paved bike trails and part cross-country-ish, although the terrain never got too rough. It was cool to run along the Arkansas River, and I would love to run that course again anytime! The race was fairly well-organized and the people were super nice. A large portion of the runners were total elites and very impressive. There were several members of the Air Force Academy cross country team running (recognizable by their matching track suits that said just that) With so many elite runners on an out and back course, it was both inspiring, and maybe a little disheartening to see them on their way back while we were still so far from the turnaround. The turnaround was at mile 8 (we did a couple miles around the park before heading out), we saw the first runners headed back before we had even reached mile 5. I commented later that it would be so nice to be able to run it that fast, because by the time you’re done, you still have your whole Saturday left in front of you. You know, to run errands and get to the gym and stuff. Those runners were amazing.


Mike ran with me the whole time, and he plans to do that for the marathon, too. He said it is about me right now, and if he decides afterwards that he wants to attempt a marathon for time, then he will. He is such a good guy. Truth be told, he could run circles around me and easily could have finished in two hours. We crossed the finish line at 2:58. (That IS a PR for me, but not quite what I was after) I was on pace to get the 2:30 I wanted until mile 8. I think I actually bonked at the turnaround. I didn’t eat my normal gels or chews at mile 6. Not sure why, I guess I was just feeling really good and didn’t want to mess with it. Dumb. I also didn’t bring enough water. I purposely left extra fuel belt bottles in the car because I knew there would be lots of water stops. The water stop at mile 10 was out when we got there, having given all of their water to the faster people. I was desperate for water, and them being out kind of sent me over a weird edge. I staggered down the trail, determined only to get water and not caring about my finish time any longer. I get weird at the end of these races sometimes. Once I got more water, I was okay, but the stiffness had settled in by then, and I was a mess. If not for Mike pushing me, I may have resigned to just walking and been swept by the very strict three-hour course marshals.


After the race my hamstring was killing me, but after some QT with the Ironman version of ben-gay (had a sample of it from my Denver Rock n Roll goodie bag) I felt fine. Then next morning, my knees were slightly tired, and I had a mildly stiff left foot, but felt GREAT otherwise. This is a new feeling; normally I feel sore and broken for a couple days.


Anyway, the reason I have been kind of hermitting since this race is that it made me worry so much about the full marathon, which is 32 days from today. I have had some really great training runs, but I feel like when I get in a race situation, I get stupid sometimes.

I started thinking about what would happen if I DNF’d in Florida. After a year of buildup to that race, after so many improvements, after spending a ton of money for the trip, after telling myself I would do it, after promising to honor my mom’s memory, after everything! What if?! I have been feeling pretty queasy about it since Saturday, actually. And I am sick of being negative right now, when I need to be positive the most. So here is why I WILL finish in Orlando:


We still have our 18 and 20 mile runs left for training, and we have been training pretty well. While I’m nervous about those distances, I am excited to check them off the list, too.


I have been training at mile-high altitude for a marathon at sea level. This has to help some, right? And what about adrenaline? That counts for something, too, surely.


My injuries that have had me struggling so much until recently will be lessened following my last two acupuncture treatments. I am feeling stronger and healthier injury-wise every day.


Between now and then, I am cutting out all alcohol and carbonation. For some reason, both seem to affect my breathing at different times and I need to give myself every extra chance. Not getting to enjoy a few holiday cocktails with friends might suck, but I need to take a month off. So, that is that. Plus, I will surely run harder for a beer after 30 days without.


Mike. Mike is a huge motivation, more than I have even realized. And while there have been a few times I could have cheerfully punched him in the mouth because what I have been struggling for years to achieve comes so easily to him, having him there is going to make a huge difference (and I’m sure he might want to punch me on occasion, too, although we both remain decidedly non-violent towards each other and manage to leave it on the course. That is true love right there. )






Conclusion: I am trying to calm my nerves and be smart and get through this last month making the right decisions and training well and preparing myself mentally. After that, there is nothing I can do. I will do this. I will run (and struggle and lumber and stagger and push, push, push) for 26.2 miles. No more negativity.

It's Official!

Just booked our flight and hotel for the marathon!  Got a smoking deal on the Waldorf Astoria Orlando.  Fannnncceeee!  The European soaking tub in the room will surely come in handy after the race. Wow!  It is getting SO real suddenly. 

A real post is coming this evening, but I just got excited/nervous/happy/scared that I thought I should share.  YAY!!  37 days!  Someone get me a paper bag to breathe into.

Acumazing!

Went to acupuncture for the first time today. 35 minutes and 125 dollars later, I walked out of there without pain for the first time in over a year.  I literally limped in and could have scampered out like a happy little bunny.  Knowing the results, I would have paid several times that.  Two more sessions at half that price, and I will supposedly be cured. I feel like I am almost there.  YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!  And also, crazy.  Some of the weirdest feelings I have ever had, especially when she hooked up the electric pulse-y thing that made my butt fat jiggle around.  I felt it moving and started laughing, half embarrassed, half shocked at what those tiny needles could do.  I kinda wish she would have videotaped it.  I might just be willing to subject myself to some embarrassing cellulite over-exposure in the name of YouTube entertainment.  Anonymously, obv.

Anyway, I am super excited to embark on this week of running, topped off with Saturday's half marathon.  Lookin' for a PR in race 14 out of 15 and a fun day with my awesome husband.

Weigh in is in 2 days.  The post-Thanksgiving weigh in is a danger zone, but I think I'll cover the spread. :)

Zzzzzzzzz. I'm Beat!

So tired tonight after doing our long run this morning, but here is a quick weekend update before I get back to some more regular posting this week. We did 13.1 miles in 2:55 this morning.  Mike picked the route, and we ended up hitting almost every big park in the downtown area.  It was so cool to run to places would normally only get to in our car or on bikes. It would have been more miles, except for that my same-old-tired-of-hearing/talking-about-it injury kicked in hard at mile 11.  We walked the last two miles; Mike insisted, being the voice of reason and not wanting me to make it worse before next week's Rock Canyon Half Marathon in Pueblo.  That Mike is a smart guy.  I go for my first accupunture appointment tomorrow and really, really, really hope it helps. Did I say really? Really.

In total, we ran over 19 miles between Thursday and this morning.  I am impressed with that!  I do feel nervous about the longer training runs that are around the corner.While I feel like I get better every week, I am still struggling with pain and fatigue (ankles, knees, feet) during longer distances and worry about the next long runs, which include 15, 17, 20, and of course, 26.2 miles.  On an up note, the four miles of the Turkey Trot were some of the best I've ever run.  So, while you might find me worrying a bit, you won't find me complaining.  I am a runner now, and that makes me happy. A tired, happy runner.

I hope everyone had a great holiday!  We ran and then cooked and ate with some awesome friends.  Can't wait for what's next!!  Ok. Off to check out everybody's turkey weekend updates and then headed to sleep. 

Pre-Thanksgiving Fun

Here is a fun video to watch from the wedding I was in a couple weeks ago.  It is long, but worth it.  Kacie's great idea, some help from her choreographer friend, and lots of practice led to one of the most fun wedding events I have ever seen and or been a part of.  Plus, I don't think I looked like Barney at all, so bonus!!  Just so you don't get confused, they introduce me by my married name, which I have not changed to. :)  Enjoy.  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!  Enjoy your trots and your turkeys, and especially your family and your friends and your health. That is what we're all working for, right?  

In Case of Emergency, Open Desk Drawer

This is my kit of stuff that gets me through my weekdays.

My trusty Nathan stainless steel water bottle that I fill at least four times a day at my company's awesome ice and water dispenser. I know it's weird to get excited about ice and water, but this machine dispenses ice cold water and that soft little ice that is so good for crunching.  Keeps me happily hydrated all the live-long day.

My gum.  This is only about 20% of the gum that is in my drawer.  I have several different sugar-free flavors that (usually) can stop a sugar craving in its tracks.

Crystal Light. For when I need a break from the water.

Green tea, which I make on cold afternoons or to replace a second cup of coffee.  I put a Splenda in it.  I hate Splenda in coffee but love it in tea.  Not sure why.

My tennis ball.  I slip this bad boy on my chair under my broken left butt cheek, and it keeps my jacked-up piriformis from killing me all day.  (Accupuncture on Monday.  Super excited)

My sign.  I have kept this sign on my desk since my dad gave it to me after he retired, and it is the truest thing about life I have ever seen written down.  It keeps me from being a whiner (uh, most of the time)  Life isn't supposed to be easy.  Not at work, not in relationships, not in sports or weight loss, or being a Denver Broncos fan.  When it is hard and you still want it? That's when you know something is worth it.

What things get you through the work day?

Can I Ramble on Mondays, Too?

This will be me, come Thursday. After the Turkey Trot, natch.

It has been a crazy weekend, with a crazy week ahead, so I am just posting a quick update.

Nothing like a double-Thanksgiving to make you want to run your tail off.  We celebrate with my dad and stepmom on the Saturday before actual Thanksgiving each year because of everyone's various in-law and other commitments.  Since Mike's parents live far away, we typically do the Turkey Trot and then host an orphan's Thanksgiving, mostly because we both love to cook so much. Oh, and because we have awesome friends whom we love to hang out with.  Needless to say, I am trying really hard with food this week, but there will be slips.  And, for the record, Thanksgiving is a free day.  It would be un-American any other way, right? However, what I am not skimping on at all is the running.  I have all my workouts planned and ready and waiting in the week ahead of me, including the Turkey Trot, which I love.

My last half-marathon (out of five!) is right around the corner on Saturday the 4th.  This is a super small race in Pueblo, Colorado, and it goes off snow or shine.  One of the caveats of this small race is that they do not allow walkers.  They sweep the course at 3 hours, and from what I read on their site, they do not take kindly to people who take longer than that because it means their volunteers have to continue to stand out in the cold until the slow people finish.  So, basically, I have to do well (for me) in this race, lest I embarrass the crap out of myself and then have to live with the suffering of hypothermic volunteers on my conscience for the rest of my life.  2:30-2:45.  That is my goal.

I picked up a bunch of Honey Stinger gels and chews today.  I have been looking for some new ones to try, and this brand came highly recommended by Tri Like Mary. I opened one package just to taste a chew, and yum.  And I have never said that about any energy stuff.  So, we shall see on Thursday how they serve me on a race day, but after a couple years of feeling either dehydrated or kind of choked by energy blocks and gels, I am feeling positive.

Mike and I had a couple of great runs together this weekend.  I like training with him, although I sometimes miss my alone running time. He is such a natural athlete, that he is just rocking along with his training.  The 4th will be his first half-mary.  I am kind of excited for him.  He deserves the feeling of crossing a finish line like that, especially after how supportive he has been of me.  So yay!

Gym tomorrow morning!!

More tomorrow, when things just might calm down a bit.

Highlights from Cara's pink iPod from weekend runs:
Shame on You by the Indigo Girls.  If you can run without bopping your head to this one, more power to ya. One of my all-time favorite songs.
Summer of 69 by Bowling for Soup.  A punk remake of a classic.  This has been a staple on my workout mix for years.  Highly recommended if you like to rock while you run.

Thursday Ramblings

In a sweating contest between me and this guy, it would be a tie. 

I liked my Thursday ramblings so much last time that I have decided to make it a weekly feature. Here are my random thoughts from this week for your reading pleasure.



Things that are kinda lame:
I have been sore for three days after attempting a push up. I didn’t really do any, but my attempts have left me whimpering each time I try to pull a shirt over my head or drink from my water bottle. The workout was such that, at one point, I had to ask my husband if I actually did a push up.  (gasping, panting, "Was that one?!?") He carefully thought about his answer and then gave a tiny head shake no. I guess I need to start with bench pressing. Or chest flies. Or pectoral implants. 


Marathon is 52 days away. I am nervous and feeling unprepared, and that makes me unhappy. It is mostly my own fault, but hopefully not missing one workout between now and then will help me feel better. I pinned this printout of the 2011 Disney Marathon medal next to my computer at work. While I am writing for the man all day, this piece of paper haunts me from my periphery. I’m counting on the secret formula being: Clever subconscious messages+Training= A sub 6-hour finish. I can do less than 6 hours. I will do less than 6 hours.

Things that are looking up:
I am making my first appointment with an acupuncturist that a friend swears by for next week. I have not run without pain in almost a year, and the more miles I log, the more desperate I become. I have never tried any Eastern medicine, but I am desperate for this piriformis muscle to loosen. I plead with my left butt cheek every day. I say, “Please left butt cheek, please loosen up and let me run in peace” It answers only with stony silence and continues to torture me. The time has come. I am taking charge of my own butt cheek. It will be healed by 26.2 time. Oh yes. It will.


This morning when I was running on the treadmill at the gym (mmmhmmm *nodding vigorously* I did it again, and feel awesome about it!) I noticed a class going on. It was some type of hardcore jazzercise/kickbox thing. It looked so fun. I am going to make myself try it next week, which will, if all goes according to plan, mark the first time that I have been brave enough to attend one of those classes, even though I have been intrigued for years. I always felt like I would take up too much room in a class like that with my giant butt crowding people out and my ridiculously long limbs splaying into someone's personal space. But screw it. I pay for my membership just like those tiny girls, and I deserve a chance to do some dancing and air punching to Jay-Z to start my day, too. It’s on.


This time next week I will be turkey trotting and then cooking and hosting a calorie fest for a group of friends. This year will mark the 6th time that Mike and I have raced and cooked together, missing only one race last year when we had non-running family in town. This will also mark the first year that I will run all four miles without stopping/walking/gasping for air/clutching my sides in anguish. Watch me.


Things that are random:
I sweat WAY more when I work out in the morning than I do in the afternoon or evening. Is this a real thing? I feel like there should be some scientific evidence out there supporting this, like, “Not only are humans taller and lighter in the morning, they are also more prone, between the hours of 5 and 8 AM, to sweat enough to ruin their awesome, pricey, stay-put workout headphones.” That’s right, I sweated my headphones to death; the last thing I heard was the damp, warbled voice of David Lee Roth commanding me to Jump and then eery silence.


I think there should be a service you can subscribe to where an objective party grades your outfit via webcam each morning before work. I recently read an article that talked about how many people actually have a perception of themselves as being much more slender than they really are. They then dress in inappropriate clothing that is revealing or too-tight and leave the house thinking they look great. I feel like this happens to me regularly. Like I will be wearing an outfit that I think looks amazing, and then I see a photo of myself in it, or someone asks me when I’m due, and the illusion is shattered. My best friend said this happens to her with her makeup. She said, “I leave the house thinking I look nice and professional, and then I look in the bathroom mirror at the office and go, ‘Hello, stripper’” There have been a bunch of times I have seen a tall woman and thought, “Wow, she is SO tall” and then she walks by me, and I have two inches on her, and it baffles me. I apparently have no grasp on what I really look like, so now I’m convinced that I think all my outfits look better than they really do. What is that?


Bad at eating this week, but good at working out. Can never seem to get the two aligned. Just got an invite to an office potluck two days before Thanksgiving. It's called Snackapalooza. Really? Was that necessary? Hmmmmph...Holidays.


Highlights from Cara’s pink iPod during today’s run:
Mr. Wendal by Arrested Development. Old school, and still awesome.
Everything Falls Apart by Dog’s Eye View. One-hit-wonderful.

I WILL Conquer You, Morning. Watch Me.

Guess what I did this morning?  That's AM on the clock there, and out the front window of my car? Yup.  That's my gym.

I hauled in my giant bag, did my run on the treadmill, showered and got ready, and was back in my car within an hour and a half.  I'm going to do it again on Thursday!

Some things to remember for Thursday:

1.  How about a shirt to wear to the office? The work outfit I brought with me today, skirt, tights and boots, was not quite up to dress code, so I had to sneak out of the gym with jacket over bra and head back to the house to get something more appropriate for corporate America.

2.  Look behind my car when backing out to leave the house at 5:45 AM.  Looking for proof that I am REALLY not a morning person? Here is the text from the note I had to leave on my neighbor's car:

• Hi, I'm your neighbor from across the street.  I bumped your Subaru this morning, and it was too dark to see if there was a scratch.  If so, please call me at ########## and we will figure it out.  Sorry!

That's it.  That's all I have to fix for Thursday.  And guess what I get to do tonight?  Sit on the couch, watch Glee, ignore the wet and icy weather outside and have my favorite dinner:

We use Alton Brown's old-school popcorn recipe, except we use canola oil instead of peanut. Oh, and skip the butter; it doesn't need it.  Yum.  Tons of fiber, and I eat it almost every Tuesday night when Mike is at class. (he is of the school of thought that popcorn is not a real meal so I go solo)  In addition, the dogs refuse to leave my side on popcorn night, so it's all very cozy.  Life is good.  Rest day tomorrow!  

Highlights from today's running playlist, courtesy of Cara's pink iPod (now with Beatles music!): 

American Boy by Estelle (featuring Kanye West)

Born to Run by The Boss (best running song ever.  Bruce Springsteen single-handedly propelled me up the 17th Ave hill during the Denver half marathon like it was nothing. Love when it comes up in my shuffle)   

Listen All Ya'll This is Sabotage

Things I ate this weekend:
BBQ
Bagel sandwich
Prime rib sandwich
Pasta
A miniature, fried, fancy wedding appetizer of some kind
Half a wedding cupcake
Pringles
Salami and cheese on wheat thins
Half a breakfast burrito
Poppycock
Thai food

Things I drank this weekend:
Coffee
Water
Beer
Wine
Champagne
Sea Breeze
Screwdriver
Diet Mountain Dew
Diet Coke
Washington Apple

Miles I ran:
0

So, now that the celebration is over, there is no doubt in my mind why my weigh-in was less than stellar this morning.  Here it is:

Down 2.9 pounds since last time.  Whatever.  I'll take it.  But honestly, I am kind of ticked because, while I only *weigh-in* every two weeks now, you can usually find me checking out the scale every morning.  In the past two weeks, it has been as low as 209, but of course a weekend like this past one would be enough to tack 4 pounds on to anyone.  What I need to do is to stop toying with myself.  From now on, the scale comes out once every two weeks, and that is it.  

Ben at BenDoesLife.com was just talking about that last week. How it shouldn't be about the numbers, but instead about health and feeling good.  And it is, and I do.  Pretty much.  But man, it sure would be nice if I could keep it together long enough for the numbers to mean something.  

Anyway, down almost three pounds.  So that is good, and I'll take it.  And away goes the scale.  No more obsessing on it every morning.  And in the afternoon sometimes. And before and after peeing, just to check bladder capacity.  The next time I see that bathroom appliance will be on December first.  And dammit!  No more missed workouts!  No more slacking! And for godzsake, Poppycock? What was I thinking?